Ok here’s the deal. Calories taste good. I’m sorry, that’s a fact. This is steak you cook when you want to indulge. Not indulge like...when you are depressed and eat KFC dipped in mayonnaise by yourself. Indulge in the sense that you feel you deserve to eat something truly delicious.
Buy instant cheddar sauce gravy (2 x packets – the really cheap MSG laden kind), and 1 packet mushroom sauce gravy. Mix them in 750 ml fresh cream. Yes that’s right. 750 ml. 3 x cups of full fat cream. Now grate extra cheese in there, toss in garlic and fried mushrooms, and top it with loads of salt and freshly milled black pepper. (for those of you ARE on diet, you can use Bulgarian yoghurt instead of the cream. Save your calories for the liquor).
Fry up a rare fillet steak and deep-fry potatoes in oil. Cut lines into the potatoes so it really soaks up the fat in the oil. Put the fillet steak and potatoes in a plate and drown in the sauce.
Pour a giant glass of wine. (I went with the Dutoitskloof Hangover Blend a.k.a. Pinotage/Merlot & Ruby Cabernet mix. Because I share an office building with them, and their boss told me I'm the sexiest girl on the planet, and I'm easy like that). Use the biggest glass you have. DRINK UP, EAT UP and don’t obsess about it. That skinny girl at the gym? Lousy in bed. Totally has daddy issues. A nightmare. You don’t want to be her. Men prefer meat on the bones. This is your mantra. Recite it as your jaws move.
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