Pet peeved

Ok, so while I was browsing the pet classifieds I realized something: your pet says something about you. Maybe too much. I of course, have owned numerous garden variety pets named after serial killers, but now I'm looking for something different.

Please vote.

DEMON HUSKY

Pros: Great guard dog.
Cons: Spawn of the Dark Lord.

CAN OF RABBITS

PROS: Conveniently pre-packaged
CONS: I have no shelf space in my house.

PREVIOUSLY OWNED CHICKEN

PROS: Well, goddamnit, who doesn't love chicken?
CONS: For one thing, it's somewhat overpriced. R100 for a whole chicken is a bit steep. The supermarket has them at 30 bucks a pop. Of course, this does not include the head or the life force which animates it. But ultimately I don't feel comfortable owning a pristine white animal. I'd just get it dirty.

EXPENSIVE LIZARD

PROS: Looks like the aliens from that TV series "V".
CONS: a) gives me the creeps, b) I'm sure this gecko thing has got emotional damage. For one thing the owner claims "it's eating like a champ" but then in the very NEXT sentence he says it's on Diet food. This pattern of encouragement and breaking his self-esteem makes for one very fucked up gecko, that may turn on me at any time, c) the evil spider that lives behind my fridge killed the last three wild geckoes that came into my house and strung up their little bodies from my chandelier. And now I'm scared of my house.

SNAKE (CHILD NOT INCLUDED)

I have no pros or cons for this one because I'm in trouble for asking the owner if the children were part of a set or could they be sold separately. Plus my revulsion re: anything with scales with prohibit me from touching, feeding or loving this animal in any way, shape or form. Although I would like to see what a frozen mouse looks like.

HALF-PRICED EMUS

PROS: At under 150 USD this is real a bargain, and I've never said no to a bargain.
CONS: It's Australian.

YOGA PIG

Ok, I wanted a pig right off the bat. I won't lie to you. They like dirt, they like sleeping, and they eat your trash for you. But THIS particular pig has been tainted. The owner is clearly a gym freak who has brainwashed these animals. "Loves fruit and vegetables". "Roam around". And the pig in the picture is clearly doing some form of yoga. I don't need a pig to make me feel bad about myself. I want a pig that makes me feel superior.

BUCKET O' HAMSTERS

PROS: Bulk sale. Very economical.

CONS: Will have to take care of owl infestation on roof first.

WHORISH CHIHUAHUA

PROS: It's wearing a FUCKING SUIT!!!! Awesome.

CONS: Will step on it. Don't want little chihuahua STDs. Don't want a pet named "Hilton". Not for sale, apparently. No go.