Valley of the Evil Zombie Dolls

Once in a while I throw these big dinner parties where I offer to cook for 12 people and it takes nine hours and I end up resenting and hating and wanting to poison everyone before they even arrive. As a result, I get invited to a lot of people's houses. So basically, I got an invitation to a little girl's birthday party and apparently she collects porcelain dolls. (What happened to Pokemon cards???)

Anyway I started googling around and found this lady that supposedly makes these arty dolls. These were the reviews I found:
". . .evokes a sense of timeless antiquity and memento mori. Museum quality works of fine art by a friendly, talented artist."

"This was created with unbelievable detail and care. A very unique piece; definitely NOT one of the run-of-the-mill "collectable dolls" on the market. And such quick shipment and communication. Thank you so much for a REAL one-of-a-kind piece. I LOVE her!"

Promising, right? Well here are the actual items:

For some reason, the little kid was less than thrilled with my selection. Nonetheless if I get invited to Morticia Addams' next baby shower, I'll have a gift ready.