Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Happy Birthday, Ouma!

My grandmother is turning 86 today! My grandma is awesome for a number of reasons.

1) She still lives by herself in a little house, which is amazing considering that she is legally blind and still fearlessly crosses the road all by herself. When pressed about when she'll move out of the little house into some sort of assisted care facility, she always says, "When I'm dead, you can take my corpse anywhere you want to."

2) She had six kids.

3) When I was small, she hit me over the head with a rolled up magazine for backtalking to my mother and told me I was a "bloody bitch". I was instantly in awe of her because I didn't know that old people swore.

4) For saying, "You are too thin. Get fat like your cousin", and then pointing at my cousin.

5) For telling the people on Bold & The Beautiful who to have sex with because she didn't want the actors she liked hooking up with "the mean ones".

6) For saying, "Halleleujah" when I told her I was getting divorced.

7) For letting all of us stay at her house whenever we're in the area and then having sandwiches ready when we get there.

8) Because she believed in letting kids sort out their own problems. In fact, she would let her boys move the beds out of the bedroom so that they can beat each other up rather than keep her awake with their arguing.

9) For pulling the BEST practical jokes, baking the best cookies and painstakingly cooking vats of apricot jam every year as long as I can remember. And back when her eyesight was good, she used to knit me these woolen socks to sleep in that I first hated getting for Christmas and then adored and then missed more than I ever thought I would.

10) For introducing herself to our boyfriends: "What's your name? Nevermind, I won't remember. These girls have so many of you young guys coming and going..."

With my aunt, uncle & cousins having a dignified cup of coffee

I love you, Ouma, and hope you have a great day :)

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