I was at my shrink’s office and I really needed to pee and she told me I could use the one in her office and I didn’t want to because peeing where other people can hear me gives me performance anxiety. It’s really bad. My bladder seizes up and no matter how badly I have to go, I can’t. And then I always end up NOT going because I’m scared people will think I’m pooping. No one must ever know that I poop.
I explained this to her and she was all like, “Why do you think you don’t want people to know you have normal bodily functions?” and “How long have you had this fear?”
I tried to explain that it’s not about fear, it’s a bladder seizure, and that I couldn’t possibly be held responsible for my bladder’s hang-ups. Then I told her I was in fact so cool about people knowing that I pee that I’ll publish it on the Internet and then she went quiet and made notes and that "mmm" noise.
I would KILL to see my file.