So I've decided to erase the whole incident of our marriage and pretend that I married a man called WD instead. And he's AWESOME. I've created visual aids for you because I'm such a genius at Photoshop.
Ah, here is me and WD. Eating cake on our wedding day.
He's a musician too. Only GOOD at it.
WD and myself on a date.
Dressed up as Corpse Bride for Halloween.
In addition, his hobbies include washing dishes and telling me I'm wonderful.
Oh, and that's what he looks like shirtless.
I love you WD. I'm so glad that humorless moron I was married to before was torn apart by rabid owls in that freak accident. I know it was a gruesome, painful death and most of his organs are still scattered in the pine trees behind the house but I'd like to think it meant something.