Friday, June 11, 2010

Washboard vaginas: the scourge of our generation

We just signed this clinic at work that does cosmetic surgery on your vagina. This includes: labia reduction, hymen repair and vaginal correction.
I read about it on wikipedia and it's incredibly gross and involves stitching, gauging and re-attaching parts of your vagina I didn't even know existed (in my defense I was raised Calvinist). And now I have a complex because I didn't know that your vagina could be incorrect!!! What if mine has been faulty all these years and I didn't realize it and everyone is too uncomfortable to point it out to me?

I'm dreading going to see the Vagina Monologues next month. This is what I'm picturing.

ESSIE: "That was great. I'm so empowered. I feel totally comfortable with my vagina."
FRIEND: "Really? I'm not a fan."
ESSIE: "What?"
FRIEND 2: "Yes, we didn't want to say anything. But Jesus, woman."
FRIEND 1: "Yes, we assumed you knew. I mean  - (eyes trailing down to crotch in judgment) -how could you NOT?"

And then I thought of going for a free consultation but then I read about how it works and everything...and it CAN GO HORRIBLY wrong. They could sew it shut too tight and you'll never have sex again. And Wiki says "stitching of the muscles in perineoplasty must be performed very carefully to avoid transverse ridges that can create a "washboard" or "stair-step" effect in the vagina". Does this SCARE anyone else? Are there lots of women walking around with "washboard vajayjays"? (I bet Pamela Anderson has one). But the hymen repair thing I don't understand. If you are going to break something in your body, that is probably the one thing you should leave unrepaired.


  1. Oh God...scary stuff. On a slightly, though not very, related note I keep getting emails offering me discounted viagra. It's starting to give me a complex too.

  2. A lot of Muslim women do this so they could be pure on their wedding nights. Sad, but some families have done mercy killings. Even if the woman just broke her hymen horseback riding or being athletic. Scary stuff.

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