Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I've got a LOT on my plate right now...

Remember when Superdave said he’d come over to fix up my place in what *may* have been an elaborate ruse to get me into bed and I was all like, “No - my place is unfixable” and he scoffed at the idea and eventually I gave in and allowed him to see the place and then he was all like, “OMG, this place IS unfixable” and then I said, “It’s not so bad” and then he said, “This place should be condemned” and then I was like “that’s really offensive” and then he was like, “Wtf is up with all these zombie survival guides?” and I was like, “You gotta be prepared” and he was like, “What about vampires?” and I was like, “I think we’ve established that I can take a vampire in a fight, you moron” and then he had that look of dread he always gets when he realizes I’m not trying to be funny and now we’re moved into the stable next door? Remember? Ok good.

SD: “This is the perfect use of space. And it looks classy, clean and upmarket.”

ESSIE: “You know what we should get though?”

SD: “A Plasma screen tv?”

ESSIE: “A goat.”

SD: “This isn’t going to work out, is it?”

I’m enjoying it because on the one hand I have furniture - which is good - but on the other hand SuperDave is the neatest human being on the planet whereas I am somewhat like a hurricane that wears jeans and has a 9 to 5. I'm trying not to get too comfortable in the house. It’s like when you are little and your mom has bought you a really cool new dress but she won’t let you play in it because you’ll just get it dirty. The new house is my dress. Playing in it is a metaphor for playing in it, because I still have all those old water pistols left over from last year when I tried to "shoo" the owls off my roof.

However, we’ve decided to divide the chores in a way that plays on our individuals strengths to keep the house orderly.


All home repairs
Furniture assembly
Put up pictures
Cleaning (general)
Feeding the cat
Washing the car
Remembering birthdays and appointments
Stocktake of groceries
Keeping fridge clean and defrosted
Sweeping, mopping, waxing
Arranging CDs and DVDs in alphabetical order
Bug control
Filling documents
Window washing
Entertaining guests and organizing parties


Being Awesome

Really, I think he got a good deal.


  1. I'm "Not feeding the Cat"! The Cat hairs fall out everywhere... So either the cat goes, or he dies of starvation and I bury him! Either way, goodbye Sweeney Todd!!!-SD

  2. Oh and if you don't like living in a neat and tidy manner, you are welcome to mess up our perfect "HOME" created through all my hard work out of love and blood and sweat, but then it will very soon be exactly like the dump you used to live in next door! But I will be gone by the time it is even 1 tenth as bad as that! But my Angel, that choice is only yours to make!!! ;-D : SD

  3. No, no, I'll give up the goat, you win!

    PS. You're not feeding the cat? Someone should...

  4. On an almost unrelated note, there are vampire survival guides. You should pick one up. There are things about the vampire uprising even I DIDN'T KNOW!!! And I'm a vampire and zombie expert.