I surprised and disgusted everyone when I failed to volunteer to go to
for a conference next week. I know they all expected me to, but I didn’t. Johannesburg
BOSS: “…and there will be a conference next week, and I need one of the marketing people to go with me. Estelle?”
BOSS: “Don’t you want to be a jetsetter?”
BOSS: “Don’t you want to meet the CEO?”
BOSS: “It’ll be good for your career.”
ME: “They always say that. But it never comes true. And then you are overworked and underpaid and also in
BOSS: “Come on…”
BOSS: “Wouldn’t you rather see the world than be stuck in the office?”
ME: “I would rather grow testicles and have midgets repeatedly punch me in them before I go to
for no goddamn reason.” Johannesburg
OK, I didn’t actually say that last part. But I hate air travel. Here’s why.
- Getting at the airport 2 hours ahead of the flight as advised, checking in within 2 minutes and then spending the other 118 minutes aimlessly milling around the deserted airport, buying overpriced drinks from stores you do not like.
- Lady sitting next to you talking to you for the entire duration of the flight.
- Lady sitting next to you breastfeeding for the entire duration of the flight.
- Fat man arm on your shoulder.
- Removing your laptop and shoes and belt and change and cellphone and chucking it in the little bin while impatient people crowd up behind you.
- Crappy movies. The last time I flew the TV broke and Prince of Persia started playing and I had to sit there helplessly while it happened to me.
- Being unable to get my shampoo and deodorant into 30ml bottles and having it leak over my clothes in my luggage.
- The four in-flight food groups: white meat (of some kind), hard rice, powdered something (just add water to enjoy your delicious eggs/mashed potatoes/chocolate milk/soy burger), and that juice in a plastic tub that will never expire, no matter what you do to it.
- People who stand up in the window seats when the plane lands EVEN THOUGH there is no way they are leaving the plane within the next 10 minutes.
- Possibility of death in horrible fiery crash.
What do you hate most about flying? Or Johannesburg? Either one is fine.