Pour me over tuna, I've melted

In general, I like to blog because of my low self-esteem. When people follow me I feel like I’m liked. Last week, Blogger had technical difficulties, and no one’s comments showed on my site. I kept going back compulsively to check and then I started uploading posts like crazy. The gist of my internal dialogue was: “See, I’m funny? You don’t like that? That’s Ok...how about this...? No? No comment love? Um...Ok...just give me a second...we can laugh again, I swear! Don’t leave meeee....”

Also I realized with shock and horror than DW is getting more friends than I have on Facebook. I can’t allow that because he is the only person in my life that I feel superior to. But that’s OK, I’ve just added a whole bunch of people from the Horny Asian College Boys group. That should put up my stats a little.

Game set and match, DW! Or whatever. Actually I don’t know any sports terms...where is that from, tennis? When did I see tennis? My God, I was drunk last night. Who gets drunk and watches tennis? I’m so pathetic.

Some day I'll have a REAL love life...

(on the phone to friend)

Essie: "Did you see my blog post about the Grow-a-boyfriend?"

Ann: "Yeah."
Essie: "Well I totally changed my mind about it in the last five minutes. Get this: it COMES IN DIFFERENT COLORS. I ordered the blue one. Remember that sex dream I had about Dr Manhattan from the Watchmen??"

Ann: "I'm trying to forget."

Essie: "But now I feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend pillow...It's kinda exciting, in a very wrong way..."

Ann (pause): "Remember when we used to go to bars and date real men? As in, homo sapiens?"

Essie: "Not...really."