If men were machine washable maybe they wouldn't die out but as it stands - they have clearly outlived their usefulness

I spoke to my friend Mattie over the weekend. He's thinking of what to send me for my birthday. So this link pops up.

MATTIE: "I'm thinking of getting you this."

ESSIE: "You're thinking of getting me half a sex doll?"

MATTIE: "It's a boyfriend pillow. They designed it for women whose men are in Iraq."

ESSIE: "To train them to get used to husband's with blown off legs?"

MATTIE (pauses): "No..."

I really, really want one now. But I'll probably get attached to it. And it's better than a boyfriend because it is machine washable, refundable and in case you haven't noticed - well dressed. And it doesn't fart in bed. Really, I think it could replace the real thing.