Pornfomercials...

I saw my first pornfomerical last night. It’s like an infomercial that tries to be really convincing. The product is called “the blowguard” and it takes “the job out of blowjobs”. To advertise the blowguard the infomercial featured a mini-orgy with two girls and a guy trying out the blowguard (yes – X-rated) and then a guy in a lab coat discussed the use “scientifically” and then the now-dressed people from the orgy discussed what they thought of it. (FYI, they enjoyed it.)

Although I enjoyed the pornfomercial more than I did say...the demo of the Ginsu knife set and various non-stick pans that they usually show (no one has ever been squirted in the face with semen in a non-stick pan commercial to my knowledge. Unless they wanted to demonstrate that semen doesn’t stick to the pan. Does it? Why would you cook semen to begin with? Infomercials are weird), I was not convinced by the product. Basically it’s a retainer with a little vibrator attached to it. I was involuntarily and unfortunately reminded of my orthodontist throughout the whole thing. And since he was 65 years old, overweight and smelled like antiseptic it’s not an image I want in my head during intimate moments. And also I’ll feel guilty for using the now-straightened and expanded mouth my father spent 3000 dollars on for oral sex.