I spent my whole weekend cleaning my house and now it's dirty again. Well I've learned my lesson. I'm never doing that again. It's pointless. Then I got this email with good housekeeping tips, but they seemed a little off, so I've modified them. Happy cleaning, y'all.
LOCH ESS GUIDE TO GOOD HOUSEKEEPING
To remove smells from your fridge, put an open saucer of vinegar inside.
MY ADVICE: If your fridge is smelly, the temperature is set too low to adequately cool the corpse you are hiding inside. It’s time to break out the shovel.
If you have accidentally put too much salt in a dish as it's cooking, simply add a peeled potato. The potato will absorb the excess salt.
MY ADVICE: If you have accidentally put too much salt in a dish, it's a real pity. You'll eat what I give you.
For headaches: Cut one lemon in half and rub it gently over your forehead. The pain will disappear.
Put a mini-marshmellow in the bottom of your ice cream cone to prevent it from leaking.
MY ADVICE: Leftover...what?!