Tuesday, August 31, 2010

First Date Tips that really work or will get you arrested

I'm a member of 20sb.net, which is like having friends, and the adorable dhpotter had this cool question about how you should go about impressing your first dates. Which inspired me to share my advice with all of you. If you don't know how to get a first date, refer to my post 10 types of men you haven't dated yet.

1. Don't tell him about your baby daddy who just got out of prison.

He'll meet him soon enough, anyway.

2. Don't show off how you crush beer cans with your boobs until the third date

It makes you seem slutty if you rush into this.

3. For some reason, men don't respond well to the display of stuffed dead pets I've set up in the living room.

You'd think it'll make a good talking point, but its not.

4. Bring your mom.

It'll save you the cost of phoning her after the date, and he'll be impressed by your thriftiness.

5. I dont care what they say. Restaurants expect you to take the silverware home. Its factored into the cost.

Ok, that's not a dating tip. It's just a general one.

6. Be yourself...

..unless you suck. Then you should be Cameron Diaz. She's awesome. But I'm not allowed to write to her anymore. :(

7. Twitter about the date incessantly throughout the evening.

He'll think you're incredibly tech savvy. Also, everyone enjoys feedback.

8. Bring your wedding planner journal along to the date

That way you can get his input straight away, and know that you've already thought of everything. One less thing for him to worry about.

9. Follow him to his house to "make sure he's OK"

Guys LOVE this stuff. But don't be stalkery about it. I usually send a funny text like, "See, I DO know where you live LOL" or "Your furniture looks great from the back yard." Wave in a friendly way when he peeks through the curtains but DON'T LEAVE right away. That way you can watch over him while he sleeps. It's really romantic.

10. Share your broken heart stories

That way, you get to suss out what his ex-girlfriend was like. And you can track her down. And send him a box of her hair to prove that you don't let anyone walk over "your man". Oh...that reminds me, keep referring to him as "your man" throughout the evening. Guys eat that stuff up.

Seriously, this is totally how I landed my baby-daddy.


  1. Haha this was hilarious Ellie.
    Btw if you follow my blog you need to unfollow then refollow for my posts to appear in your blog feed.


  2. I seriously actually thought for a moment you meant "chat sweetly about the date" when you wrote "twitter about the date" and I was like, why would anyone talk about the date while ON the date?

  3. Thanks for the plug yo!

    Also, another tip: find out what perfume his mother wears, then wear it. Freud can't have been wrong. he's published. Believe everything you read.

  4. The only thing I disagree with you about is Cameron Diaz. Apart from her amazing sultriness in The Mask and her butt shuffle, the woman does nothing for me...