Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Groupie 101

I went to a bbq with this girl who’s boyfriend is a musician, but she doesn’t allow him to perform because she’s afraid of groupies. Well, she should be.
Any girl who – when a singer vomits on stage – scoops it up and “bathes” herself in it is scary. So I gave her some tips in how to handle them. It's not difficult. Just stand in the crowd, eavesdrop and say the following at appropriate intervals:

“Yeah, he’s crazy. Must be the final stage of his syphilis kicking in.”

“You think he’s good-looking now, you should have seen him before the sex change.”

“Yeah, who cares if he’s lip syncing? That’s still talent, right?”

“Am I his what? His wife? Well, yes, one of them.”

“Yeah, but I heard he has penis rot. You never heard of it? You should let him show you. What’s left of it, that is.”


  1. "It is cool that he wears shades on stage. You're right, it's bright up there; but I was sure it was to cover up the fact that one of his eyes is basically falling out. No, he can still see with it, it's just looks at your shoes a lot more than his other eye does."

  2. @Denise: You win comment of the day. There is no reward. But in a way, winning is a reward in itself.

  3. "I can't believe he ate mayonnaise out of my ass before the show. I haven't showered in days."

  4. I can't think of a witty or funny enough comment. I might be back later with one though.

  5. haha what a great technique to deal with groupies

  6. hahaha those witty comments are really funny

  7. I find this also works if your man has hot coworkers too....