Monday, August 16, 2010

My cat is an asshole part 2

I was hanging out in the bedroom watching TV when the familiar smell of cat vomit started to permeate through the house. First of all, I was pissed because I was missing American Gladiator. There is something about grown men in Spandex beating each other with oversized Q-tips that I find immensely satisfying. Secondly, I hate vomit. Vomit makes me vomit.

I thought the cat understood this because the last time he decided to puke I puked all over him. And I was eating Cheese Curls at the time. (Yeah. I won THAT round, baby.)

DW refuses to help me clean cat vomit and is all judgmental about it. It may have something to do with the fact that the last time we went camping the fire was next to a giant pile of dog poop, and I made him pick it up with a paper towel. And it wasn’t a small amount of poop. It was the Chrysler building of dog poops. (My tent had blown away and I was forced to sleep next to the fire in my little fold-up chair. Which then fell in the fire. Really, the camp sucked in general.

Me in my chair/bed. Note I'm wearing my formal church shorts

 The only thing that made it worthwhile was the fact that it was a church camp, and they had run out of supplies so we had Sunday communion with grape soda and dinner rolls. It's what Jesus would have wanted.)

The worst thing is, everyone also says, “Oh, you need to get over your squeamishness...what if you have a

Yes, everyone. I know. Babies poop and vomit all over the show. I watched my former boss’s baby, Isobelle, and she vomited all over me within minutes. You know what I did? I vomited on her. I know. She was surprised too. It’s not something I can help. The point is, I still hosed her off and got her presentable by the time her mom got home. Vomiting on a kid does not make you a bad parent. The fact that she vomited because she drank directly from a bottle of my nail polish that I left open in the play room probably does. I’m not Dr Phil, I can’t be expected to know these things.

Also, back when I taught 2-yr olds, there was a little boy who could hit the ceiling when he peed and insisted on peeing upwards. I let him do it on a weekly basis, and cleaned it up just fine. Mainly because I didn’t want to stifle his creativity but also because I was impressed as fuck.


  1. That's pretty wow alright...

    My cat vomited yesterday because he's greedy and ate his food without chewing it.

    I refused to clean it, but usually I'm the one picking up puke from both my dog and my cat...

  2. I'm glad I'm not the only person who vomits when they hear/see other people vomit. Thank you for making me feel normal-ish. More normal than before, at least.

  3. very funny. My cat is bulimic. She eats very fast and then throws up. Every day. No matter what we feed her. She once threw up on my art homework which I had spent a whole night doing. I had to take it in anyway.