Friday, August 6, 2010

Turns out I'm not just insane, I really DID have millions of insects crawling over my skin!!!

I was brushing my teeth and then noticed what looked like muddy water pouring over the window outside. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was actually an army of gnats flooding to the light emanating from the window. We spent the entire night armed with cans of pesticide trying to get rid of them. There were thousands of them. We switched all the lights off but they were drawn to the light of TV. It was like The Birds but with gnats. Surprisingly it’s even less epic than the Hitchock movie.

DW (spraying them): “Is just me or are they not dying? They keep coming back.”

ESSIE (spraying them): “No, I think these are new ones.”

DW (through a cloud of poison): “Then they are stupid. They should have noticed all the little corpses of their comrades by now.”

ESSIE: “Maybe it’s a strategy. Maybe they keep sending in reinforcements until we’ve sprayed so much poison in the room that WE die. Maybe they are kamikaze gnats.”

DW: “So now what?”

ESSIE: “I say we keep spraying them. I’m committed now.”

At worst, we’ll both be infertile by morning.


  1. tep 1
    Remove the lid from a glass jar and thoroughly rinse the jar with soap and water. Any jar will do, but the gnat trap will work best if the mouth of the jar is fairly wide.

    Step 2
    Add 5 tbsp. apple cider vinegar to the jar. White vinegar will suffice if you don't have any cider vinegar on hand.

    Step 3
    Cut a sheet of plastic wrap into two pieces of equal size. The plastic wrap should be large enough to cover the mouth of the jar, with about one inch to spare.

    Step 4
    Place both sheets of plastic wrap over the lid of the jar and secure with a rubber band. It's essential to secure the plastic wrap, as the fruit flies are small insects that can escape easily.

    Step 5
    Gently poke several holes in the saran wrap using a fork. It's important that the holes are not too close together and that there are not many holes close to the edge of the lid, as this would give gnats an escape route.

    Step 6
    Place your homemade gnat trap next to the source of the infestation. If you have noticed the insects in more than one location, make several traps and place them around the house.

    Step 7
    Enjoy watching your gnat trap become populated with the pesky fruit flies that had taken over your dwelling.

    Read more: How to Build a Gnat Trap |

  2. Lol, I hate insects and the tingly feeling on you skin because of 'em. -__-

  3. What I did when attacked by a gang of gnats got out some sweet red wine and let the little fu**ers have some. Sharing is caring. By morning they must have all gotten drunk and drowned. I didn't feel bad though they should have drank responsibly.

  4. ewww what are gnats? lol ... we used to have insects in our house everytime it gets all rainy and mushy ari feeling. you cant kill them by sprays or anything. but you have to turn ALL lights off. that's the only way they will go away. they are attracted to light. A WHOLE Bunch of them i dont know how they get in.

    are those gnats? lol

  5. I used to have these tiny little gnats that would get in my house through the water pipes. They were fucking EVERYWHERE. Also, they loved being on whatever piece of food I was about to put in my mouth. I would be lifting a piece of pizza to my mouth and all of a sudden, Andy would hear, "YOU STUPID FUCKING GNAT!!! GET THE FUCK OFF MY PIZZA GODDAMNIT I WANTED TO EAT THAT!"

    There was a lot of screaming in my house around that time period.

    Also? This was probably the best diet I've ever been on. Ah, those silly goddamn gnats.

  6. I just ran into your blog and I love it!! This situation kindof happened to me before... I was driving in my car and it looked like it was raining outside..but when I turned my windshield wipers on .. It would just smudge the rain all over my window and I couldnt see. Upon closer inspection I had driven into a huge swarm of bugs and they were dying against my window.. it was sick!!

  7. My friend's house also just became raided by knats. She took a pic and showed me; it was quite nasty.

    Hope those pesky things stay away now.

  8. i had flying ants in my bedroom earlier this summer...thank god for raid flying insect spray, towels at the door and a spare bedroom! Good luck with your problem!

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