Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My Spouse is weirder than yours Part II

Gentleman, you know that when you leave for work we women compulsively go through your shit right? I could try to give you the totally reasonable and justifiable reasons we use when we get caught but let's face it...it's because a) we don't trust you, and you know why and b) in order to be as exceedingly good as we are at winning argument, we need to gather intel. (Ever had one of those fights where you foolishly wave a credit bill in your wife's face, only to have her scream, "Oh yeah, well, I'm not the one who spent 350 bucks on a 1982 Spiderman action figure! Who's taking the food outta' the kids' mouths now, asshole!!!" Yup. That's how. You play video games you should understand this shit.) For those of you learning this for the first time, go home. Hide the Playboys. It's something you need to accept when you get married, along with the fact that you will suddenly and inexplicably lose your ability to ever be right ever again.

So anyway, I'm "cleaning the closet" and find what cannot be described as anything other than...pimp shoes. Yes, that's right. Pimp shoes.

I've been trying to come up for possible reasons WHY he would purchase and hide pimp shoes from me and the only plausible theories I've been able to come up with includes:

1. He's going to a costume party that I am not invited to (which has given me a complex already because I can't figure out which one of our mutual friends likes him more than me...I mean, come on, I don't have a lot going for me but I'm charming as hell)

2. He's a pimp

Now, theory 2 is not my favorite. It means that he is a) hiding brothel money from me, b) consorting with prostitutes (even if it IS for business reasons, that's just not cool) and c) he's hiding it all from me which DENIES me the opportunity to mock and berate the shit out of him.

Still I seriously doubt he's got the ability to run a brothel behind my back. If you can't remember to change the toilet paper roll, you lose credibility.

Anyway I've attached a picture. You be the judge.

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