Had a chat with a single friend last night. Apparently it's becoming harder and harder to meet quality single men. I've thought a little bit about this, did some research and came up with a wealth of bachelor groups that you probably have not considered yet.1. Evil clowns
Never underestimate a sense of humor. They are evil. But they are still clowns.
2. Ex-convicts
Ex-cons have a lot going for them. At least you know they'll be grateful to be with a real woman and not with a blubbery guy with nipples tattoo'd on his back fat. And they could totally shiv your ex-boyfriend. That'll show him.
3. The homeless
We know there is a lot of them, and they are easy to meet.
4. Coma patients
Can you think of a better listener? Who knows, he may even wake up and you can pull a While You Sleeping on him and his unsuspecting family.
5. 50-year old men who live with their mothers
I can't think of a perk but you shouldn't be so picky.
6. Polygamous Zulus
It's worked well for all 3 our First Ladies here in South Africa.
7. Yetis and other mythical creatures
They may be hard to spot but you can sell the rights to your children's baby pictures to OK! magazine. And probably appear on Oprah.
8. My husband De-Wet
He's not technically single (yet) but I'll be glad to get rid of him Mondays, Wednesdays and weekends. We can do "halfsies". He can be a epic jerk at times but he has his own car and a wealth of Playstation-related stories.
9. Cryogenically frozen rich dudes
He'll be there for you in the future, and he's loaded. Technically this is the dream guy.
10. Dead people
Remember Ghost? Apparently more people are seeing them, and making shows and movies about them. This is whole new dating market we have not yet begun to explore. But if you break up you stand the risk of being harassed by a poltergeist.
I love it! But I think you may have forgotten a couple of "types:"
ReplyDelete- Russian Mail Order Husbands- i hear you can custom order them to have special skillz- like sewing, cooking, carpentry, or bedroom skills!
- Nursing Home Residents - just because they are old and can't take care of themselves doesn't mean they don't deserve love. They will be happy with any attention you give them, and there are already full time nurses on staff to change their diapers!
I like how 20+ year-old virgins aren't on the list. I was one of those once upon a time.
ReplyDeleteTwo possibilities I can think of here:
1) You forgot that they exist.
2) They are more repulsive than the homeless.
Both are hilarious reasons.
LOVE IT! So friggin funny.
ReplyDeleteThere is another type of guy that I have not dated yet THE FUZZIES! Oh yeah bring that on ;)