Well, I got up this morning and noticed that my washing line had gotten stolen. They left some of my techni-colored crocodile pegs, a dust rag and a G-string. I’m not sure exactly when the damn thing went missing. I’m not the best housekeeper. I try to buy things that don’t wrinkle and only work for really unprofessional companies that don’t care if I come to work looking like a hobo. (Or drinking like one, for that matter).
I took photos of the crime scene, but I have a theory that my landlord stole it in retaliation because I stole his potted plant. And...erm...a fence. It was more like half a fence, really. My friend Delora’s husband wanted to make patio furniture out of it and I really wanted to see what patio furniture made out of a fence would look like so I helped it disassemble and steal it.
Really, I’m more offended that he didn’t steal my underwear. Anyhoo, if you see it, please bring it to my house.