Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Scraffito says you are ripe for the taking

6 am. The Nagel household. Although we live on a pristine farm in the Winelands, I am not awakened by the gentle crowing of a rooster. (The rooster gets up at 10 am. It’s why I haven’t killed and eaten him yet. So basically, there is only the thin veil of my waning Judeo-Christian ethics keeping me from bludgeoning DW and feeding him to my faithful rooster, Scraffito.) No, instead, I’m hearing the tinny sound of a Jamaican steel drum band emanating from D-W’s blackberry.

ESSIE: “Turn that fucking cell phone alarm OFF!! ITS 6 AM, YOU KNOW YOU AREN’T GOING TO GET UP!”

DW: “I’m getting up!”

DW (falls promptly asleep)

6.15 am. Jamaican steel drum band starts up. And at 6.30 am. And 7. 7.30. And then at 8. DW once again proves immune to sound of irie jammin’. At this point I start having disturbing R.E.M sex dreams involving the Beach Boys and surfboard wax.


DW: “You’re just not a morning person!”

ESSIE: “Bullshit! Look how cheery I look!”

DW: “God, that’s creepy.”

ESSIE: “It’s not creepy. It’s cheery.”

DW: “I’m going to take a picture.”

ESSIE: “Like hell you will.”


  1. Eerily reminiscent of my morning routine...

    I don't understand why men (and I am massively generalising here) set there alarms was earlier than necessary and then snooze it 4-5 times.

    Irritating! XD

  2. I SO know what you mean! My boyfriend does the same with his alarm, and I'm the one who needs to pay the consequences and turn it off every 10 mins. Annoying!!

  3. Uh oh. I'm actually the one in my relationship who starts my alarm about an hour before I *actually* wake up. It's like waking up gradually rather than all of a sudden.

    I really, really fucking hate the mornings.

  4. Is it a man thing to set the alarms way earlier than they should just to have them go off every 15 min for like 2 hours until they get up? Come on guys, you KNOW you aren't going to workout, so why don't you just set your alarm at a reasonable time like I do. And by reasonable, I mean 15 minutes before I'm supposed to be at work.

  5. I'd really like to take the time to apologise up front for this habit of men. I wake the fuck up when my eyes open not a minute before not a minute after unless a morning case of head or sex is involved. HOWEVER, in light of this, women and the texting incessantly on blackberries MUST stop. Ah screw it death to the blackberry, death to the iphone, and death to the droid phone.

    I cannot begin to count the number of times that I have either woken up to or fallen asleep to the sound of a blackberries keys going off in a text sounding like the bolt for an ak47 incessantly. ESPECIALLY when that certain someone has spent the ENTIRE day talking to that same person vocally on the phone.

    Okay bitchfest is over from me. blackberries and other cellphones = evil for both genders.

  6. It's too early in the morning for me to make a comment full of substance (what? wait, I don't have to defend myself to you! :0) but I wanted to say again how hilarious you are. I actually cackled to this post (and others), and I really only cackle when something catches me off guard and I have no time to turn it into a sexy smirk or accommodating giggle.

  7. After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: or call him +2349055637784 you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS'