After much discussion, my girlfriends and I have decided that DW is - if not gay - at least looking for the closet door knob.
Exhibit A: the attached photo is of DW with white hair. He modeled the hair style off of the Cat Walk Trainer from America's Next Top Model.
Exhibit B: He watches America's Next Top Model.
The suspicions started when DW paid blood money so that he could watch the Elton John concert. In the botanical gardens. With his best friend. Lance. He not only packed a picnic basket with salad and juice boxes, he also packed a blankie. And knew all the words. That's got to be on the top 10 gayest things to do list. Right between Bedazzling your yoga shoes and having anonymous gay sex in the bathroom at Spartacus. Can you picture Clint Eastwood or John Wayne sitting on a blankie in the Valley of Ferns humming along to "Don't Go Breaking my Heart"? No.
What put the final pink nail in his little homosexual coffin though was this conversation:
DW: "Honey, honey, you missed out!!! You should have gone to JP's birthday."
DW: "Because it wasn't just his birthday party...it was his coming out party!"
Essie: "Well, kudos. What happened?"
DW (high-pitched girly voice): "It was soooo cool...we had burgers...Dominic and I were the only straight guys there...!"
DW: "They had bets as to whether or not Dom was straight!"
Essie: "What were the odds against you?"
DW: "There were no bets that I was gay!"
Essie: "Ten bucks says you are wrong about that too."
DW: "And then....we went to a gay club."
Essie (evil laughter)
DW: "Oh c'mon, straight guys go all the time."
Essie: "I'm calling my bookie..."
DW: "No, really. I met like...3 girls there."
Essie: "Yeah...those are called "trannies"."
DW: "No, they were real girls!"
Essie: "Fine. 2 trannies and a beard."
DW: "What's a beard?"
Essie: "That's what I do for you. Read up about it on myhusbandisswish.com. It's my other site."
DW: "You better not blog about this."
Essie: "Try to stop me."
DW (hangs up)