Wednesday, May 12, 2010

On the phone to Telkom

I hate phoning the phone company but it is inevitable. Here was my full hour long conversation, broken down.

ME: "Hi, I'm moving offices, I want to migrate my service package to the new building." (gives the company details and address)

TELKOM GUY: "Your new address does not exist. Do you have a phone number for the office?"

ME: (pause) " That's why I'm calling. To get a new line installed."

TELKOM GUY: "Please hold."

10 minutes later

TELKOM GUY: "The address is 33 Main Road?"

ME: "Yes."

TELKOM GUY: "It doesn't exist."

ME: "I just signed a lease for it...I'm pretty sure it exists."

TELKOM GUY: "Please hold"

10 minutes later

ME: "Any luck?"

TELKOM GUY: " seems to be that the correct address is 33 Main STREET."

ME: "Fine. It's 33 Main Street."
TELKOM GUY: (typing) "Ooooh, sorry, no that doesn't exist either."

ME: "Yes it does. I've been there. I put down a deposit. I have eyewitnesses."

TELKOM GUY: "Well, according to system, it doesn't. We can't find it."

ME: "I'm not a GPS. Look for it."

TELKOM GUY: (typing) "I'm going to put down that the address does not exist yet."

ME: "But it does! I've been there!"

10 minutes later

TELKOM GUY: "M'am, I must at this stage inform you that prank calls will be prosecuted."

ME: "Yes, I am making the world's lamest prank call. Do you have a manager?"

TELKOM GUY: "Please hold."

10 minutes later

TELKOM GUY: "Hi, m'am. I've spoken to our location team. They are going to look for your building."


TELKOM GUY: "Thank you for calling Telkom. We'll call you as soon as we locate the building."

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