So there is this twitter guy who got a book deal and a TV show just writing about stuff his dad says. I thought it was worth a shot. And my dad is pretty funny, regardless.
Me: Hey Dad.
Dad: Your mother isn't home.
Me: Oh, no, I'm looking for you.
Dad: (pause) Why?
Me: I got car trouble I think.
Dad: Didn't I give you away at the altar?
Me: (pause) Um...yeah...?
Dad: I GAVE YOU AWAY. You should be his problem.
Me: The oil light keeps going on when I step on the brake.
Dad: Don't step on the brake anymore.
Me: Um. I don't think I can avoid it.
Dad: So...tape something over it if the light bothers you.
Me: Wait, so my car is NOT broken?
Dad: It probably is, knowing you.
Me: Are you still upset over that CD player? I was 14.
Dad: That doesn't make it any less broken.
Me: (sigh) Give my love to Grandma.
Dad: You do the same with whatsisname.
Me: Bye Dad.
Dad: Your mom will be here at 7.
Me: BYE DAD