There has been some criticism sent to me by gentlemen who think I take man cards away with no system in place, so I thought I should at least highlight the sure-fire ways that guarantee the revoking of the aforementioned man card. PLEASE NOTE: Gay men do not have man cards. They have man-tastic cards. It doesn't mean gay men aren't men. It means they are men...and fabulous.
HOW TO LOSE YOUR MAN CARD IN 10 DAYS (or less)
* wearing mascara if you aren’t a rock star (and that means YOU, DW)
* if you have owned a Bedazzler or have been bedazzled
* ordering Bacardi in a bar
* wearing fake tan
* going to see anything peformed "on ice"
* ordering salad in a restaurant
* reading the instructions before attempting to (and breaking) something you are assembling
* waxing ANY part of your body unless you are a porn star or professional cyclist
* doing Yoga, reiki or anything that has been on Oprah
* watching chick flick without a chick
* using/owning an olive oil atomiser
* watching anything with Rosie O'Donell starring in or directing it
* taking longer than 20 minutes to get ready for anything
* using the Internet for research and meaning actual valid research, not boobs
* being a member of the studio audience of The View
* purchasing a Smart Car
* voting for anyone on Idols
* owning a Miley Cyrus CD
* for that matter - owning a Billy Ray Cyrus CD AFTER 1993
* being able to name all 3 Jonas Brothers
* being on a polo team and you are not a member of the Royal Family
* knowing how to make a "white wine reduction"
* if you have ever in an argument as to whether or not the thing you are carrying is a "man-bag"
You get the idea.
* wearing mascara if you aren’t a rock star (and that means YOU, DW)
ReplyDeleteNope
* if you have owned a Bedazzler or have been bedazzled
Nope
* ordering Bacardi in a bar
Let's see, manhattan, jack and coke, capt. morgan and dr. pepper, budweiser, coors, southern comfort, nope no bacardi
* wearing fake tan
Nope
* going to see anything peformed "on ice"
Nope
* ordering salad in a restaurant
Salad is a side dish, not a main course
* reading the instructions before attempting to (and breaking) something you are assembling
Guilty of this at every single time when something has to be assembled but I'm still swearing and I usually screw it up anyway
* waxing ANY part of your body unless you are a porn star or professional cyclist
Nope
* doing Yoga, reiki or anything that has been on Oprah
Yes I've done yoga
* watching chick flick without a chick
Nope
* using/owning an olive oil atomiser
a whosa whatsis?
* watching anything with Rosie O'Donell starring in or directing it
Nope
* taking longer than 20 minutes to get ready for anything
Nope, ready in three minutes or less
* using the Internet for research and meaning actual valid research, not boobs
Guilty of this constantly
* being a member of the studio audience of The View
I don't even want to know how this came up
* purchasing a Smart Car
Yeah, right.
* voting for anyone on Idols
Nope won't happen
* owning a Miley Cyrus CD
nope though I have an extensie lady gaga, katy perry, and britney spears collection
* for that matter - owning a Billy Ray Cyrus CD AFTER 1993
yeeehaw, we got both kinds of music down here, country and western.
* being able to name all 3 Jonas Brothers
Who?
* being on a polo team and you are not a member of the Royal Family
Nope
* knowing how to make a "white wine reduction"
no clue
* if you have ever in an argument as to whether or not the thing you are carrying is a "man-bag"
It's a fucking purse.
I'm cutting up your man card as we speak for owning a britney spears CD. Shame on you!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd DW doesn't wear mascara. He wears "guyliner".
ReplyDelete