Tuesday, June 15, 2010

More weird shit named after me

I found a book that is totally based on my life called Essie's Garden. Here's what the blurb on the back says:

All Leona wanted to do on a drab day in the village of Spellbound was to help her mother bake cupcakes. Instead, Leona's mother sends her to visit with Essie, a very old woman who lives in a shadowy estate down the street. Essie lets Leona wear her enchanted gold necklace, then tricks her into taking an adventure through a magic garden. Leona, the youngest witch in a family of witches and wizards, discovers that Essie's Garden is about to be destroyed. Unless Leona can master the power of the golden necklace and face the fiery dragon, the garden and all its weird and wonderful inhabitants will disappear forever.

It's like they've been watching my life. Cupcake-baking women send their children to my house ALL the time.

Essie lets Leona wear her enchanted gold necklace (anniversary present from DW) then tricks her into taking an adventure through a magic garden (i.e. weeding). Leona, the youngest witch in a family of witches and wizards (the Breytenbachs, down the road), discovers that Essie's Garden is about to be destroyed (too late, that thing is already fucked. I can't be bothered to water the place). Unless Leona can master the power of the golden necklace (it IS tricky to take it off, I broke the clasp) and face the fiery dragon (Mrs Bertie?), the garden and all its weird and wonderful inhabitants (the two gay landlords and our friend Marius) will disappear forever.

Awesome. I hope Charlize Theron will play me in the movie version.

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