I worked for a Christian bookstore called CUM. That's right - CUM books. Being Christians, they didn't realize this was kinda' ironic and pervy. (Although all the ironic and pervy people that visited that mall who took photos of the shop with their camera phones did). While I was there we were selling this kiddies book called "The End Times for Children" and it explained to little children how God was going to send locust-like demons to earth to devour the souls of the unbelievers and how we were all going to suffer from hunger, war and poverty in a rubble-strewn post-apolocalyptic world before God would gather us all together and make us watch a tape of all the sins we've ever committed and broadcast it to the world.
And those Christians have not disappointed me yet.
I found this great lady who bakes these authentic Easter cakes that bleed jam when you decaptitate them. It's all kinda awesome. I suggest you all pick up your Bibles and give it a read. Spoiler alert: Jesus becomes a zombie! He totally rises from the dead. And then some people get martyred and then the world ends in the hellish abovementioned manner. It's actually better than Twilight.
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