Monday, June 28, 2010

Once again computers make me feel bad about myself

StumbledUpon gave me a serious complex.

First off, I was asked to sign in with a “user name”. Every single alias I’ve ever used, including LochBlommie1983% had already been taken, so now my paranoia/fear of identity theft flared up again and I had to call my shrink and she was mean to me because I’m not supposed to live vicariously through the Internet anymore and then I was whining, “But all my FRIENDS are there” and she was all like, “They’re not real” and then I was like, “but they leave me comments” and she said “that doesn’t count for anything” and I was like, “You like when people leave YOU comments” and she said “Well I don’t HATE comments” and I said, “Are you going to bill me for this” and she went quiet the way she does when she’s stealing my money from me but knows I won’t confront her on it so I hung up.

Anyway, I logged on and then I ticked all the boxes stating what I prefer to read about (Humor, Politics, Hello Kitty sex toys, Irony, Cartoons, When children kill, Japanese subculture, Paranormal activity, etc) and then I got this thinger:

Which made me feel totally shit about myself. And I don’t see how typing “Feeblitze” into a box proves that I am human. If we got invaded by – say, the Vee’s (oh, its coming!) – and they were all parading around with human DNA around their reptilian underskins and wanting to have sex with you so you’d lay their creepy eggs you wouldn’t say, “Oh, wait, just type these mildly scrambled words into a box so I can know that you are human” would you? Mmmm? And feeblitze isn’t even a HUMAN word.

Maybe the StumbleUpon webmasters are ALL aliens. We don’t know.

Even more disturbing is that I ticked all my preferences and they analysed all the results to see what I'd be into and all that came up was this fact sheet about North Korea.

Which turned out to be AWESOME.

Did you know Kim Jong-il injects himself with the blood of virgins to stay young? If was a Kim Jong-il virgin I'd totally slag around and get hepatitis and stuff. So he'd get wrinkles. And hepatitis.

I'm awesome.


  1. you are a funny writer.
    and you've reminded me to tick boxes on stumble upon.
    i am part south african, you know.

  2. I actually love stumble upon. I just played around with it to see what I would get...

    Here's the result:

    Enjoy. ;)

  3. Sorry! But when I saw the "Prove you are human!" caption, I imagined a school teacher screaming through a bullhorn at you. I have a weird imagination.

  4. LOL i'm sorry it did that to you! xD i say tell it to eat poo and let you do your thing.

  5. @ LovelyGirl: yeah, like Invader Zim!!!