Why I don't have any friends left

ESSIE: "How can you not like Barack Obama?"

DEE: "He's not doing enough for unemployment and he's taking prayer out of schools. And he's kind of a douche."

ESSIE: "Don't say that about Barack. He's my baby-daddy."

DEE: "Whoever gave you Internet access should be punished."

ESSIE: "Not liking Barack Obama is like not liking Raptor Jesus. It's unthinkable."

DEE: "Can we please change the subject? Also, you only made up Raptor Jesus 10 minutes ago."

ESSIE: "Fine."

DEE (long silence): "So it's been a year since Michael Jackson died..."

ESSIE:

DEE: "Fuck's sake..."